While its advisable to confer with the team before writing something in Ruby or Go which they don't know, Brainfuck is never an appropriate language. I go to pornhub, click on the first video I see, crank that shit to 100 on my speakers and let it play for the ~three minutes that my buddy ended up lasting. 15 Really Funny Short Stories. 1. We must nurture that confusion... nurture it... [–]mashington14 82 points83 points84 points 5 years ago (5 children). It's not appropriate or necessary to threaten to replace someone with a few hundred lines of code, though technically feasible. So one day my grandfather is coming up the stairs with one of the aforementioned marines, and someone rides the dolly right in front of him like a scooter, almost hitting the officer on the way past; to this day he swears that officer was smiling just before he flagged the guy down, [–]baardvark 113 points114 points115 points 5 years ago (2 children). [–]DobbyChief 91 points92 points93 points 5 years ago (2 children), [–]kkkkat 8870Answer Link888 points889 points890 points 5 years ago* (22 children). He said that was it for sex that night, although they are still together two years on now. [–]NinjaDerpy 46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]john1112371 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children). Because you have to admit, the man had a valid point. So funny. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. He's hesitant, but wants to please her and doesn't dismiss the idea outright. Since i was distracted by some amazing fractals on the ceiling she rode me like a bucking bronco for the better part of an hour to prove she could make me cum. But I cried. That wanker ran off to try to go find his dog, but I don't know if he ever did. [–]marqattack 10200Answer Link1019 points1020 points1021 points 5 years ago (33 children), [–]trexrocks 415 points416 points417 points 5 years ago* (4 children). I haven't been able to find it since! So Reddit, please do tell. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. [–][deleted] 112 points113 points114 points 5 years ago* (7 children), [–]TheKillaDonut 25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (4 children), [–]k4be 98 points99 points100 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]Dolphinately_ 515 points516 points517 points 5 years ago (17 children). Rendered by PID 23251 on r2-app-01d298756a9da77a1 at 2021-02-23 10:23:31.816966+00:00 running 81a1eda country code: US. Also, here's the original thread. [–][deleted] 33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago (1 child). All in all, the failure was one of articulation. The driver is obviously upset, but not nearly as much as the monkey is. I opened the link, and took me a second to register exactly what it was... [–]tlaw83 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (4 children), Easily this list of offenses in /r/sysadmin. You know, we actually all have a psychic link to one kid and we take confused turns living their life for them one day at a time? The title may contain two, short, necessary context sentences. Putting "DBA team sniffs cat butts" in Oracle server MOTDs doesn't cultivate a good relationship between UNIX and DBA teams. Depressed people, how do you motivate yourself to do things, even small tasks? As the Willy Peter wafted up to burn the hair off their nostrils, one of them got up and said, "Maybe, it's the chairs." Making caltrops out of drinking straws and a hot glue gun is not a produtive use of company time, and the product should not be spread around the core routing cabinet because it lacked sufficient area denial measures. [–]havidelsol 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago (19 children), [–]bitchtits_mcgoo 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]miserylovescomputers 51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (29 children), [–]AdvicePerson 55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (9 children). ", [–]d_wootang 214 points215 points216 points 5 years ago* (15 children), My grandfather was in the navy back in the 60s, and growing up he'd always tell some of the best damn stories from his time there; from the nude beach in spain, the No Shit/ food poisoning story, to the best/worst Italian taxi driver, and the only time he has ever seen a serious marine officer smile. Nothing fancy, just a reliable shanking tool. I still think some kind of snicker got out, [–]Tactical_Milk_Man 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]crunchone 13670Answer Link1369 points1370 points1371 points 5 years ago (56 children), Came across this one while I was browsing r/museumofreddit a couple years ago. [–]jmac1066 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (8 children), [–]aconjunction 117 points118 points119 points 5 years ago (2 children), [–][deleted] 114 points115 points116 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]TurtleSayuri 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]Cosmok14[] 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (17 children), [–]commentssortedbynew 343 points344 points345 points 5 years ago (8 children). Exploiting and shutting off compromised routers leveraged in a DoS attack directed at the company, while more effective than upstream filtering, is still a federal crime. The three of us are hanging out and I make some excuse to leave the room so my friend can have some alone time with this girl. [–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children). And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. That would probably cause an air embolism which can kill you. See, Gaston seems brutish, but remember - his entire childhood was spent eating eggs. My wife and I both quote that video frequently. I needed this to cheer up a bit. The third comment on this thread... it's not even supposed to be funny but I've honestly never laughed so hard. [–]_Circle_Jerker 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (1 child), https://m.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1qoz5t/what_misfortunes_have_you_had_for_being_too/cdezuvg, [–]drew1111 689 points690 points691 points 5 years ago (9 children). And the one about the kid who fingered his cat a lot, so he ended up bringing his cat to a talent show and all the kids were holding back laughter until he finally did it and his cat yelled.Here, [–]loics 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (17 children). His friend refuses and pushes him out of the way, knocking him down. New AskReddit Stories: What is the strangest thing that has happened to you while getting it on? So we take him into the plunge pool (a really deep swimming pool) for the first time, where it turns out he's a freaker. Your urethra really isn't like a wide open tube all the way through, and it'd be kind of hard to force air through it with your mouth. [–]echisholm 223 points224 points225 points 5 years ago (6 children). Besides, they weren’t her real parents. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. [–]The_Entertainer 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (0 children). Also of note, they had these dollies that were half furniture dolly, half wheeled carts in order to move anything heavy about on the flight deck. I was 18 when I realized that wasn't how it worked. I'll try and type some of them out after I get back from dropping the kid off at school, My grandfather was stationed in a few places, but for the sake of these stories he was a radio operator stationed on an aircraft carrier that was part of a fleet stationed in the Mediterranean; for those who don't know the radio room and other communications are in a room above the bridge, and above that is a nest with a lot of equipment/ antennae/ optics. I mean hard blows. Their faces grimaced for a while and their conversation led to them accusing each other for the foul smell and being a "pussy if [you] don't own up to it" and how no one called "Safety." Or anywhere else in the office, and is not the "life juice" of a UNIX sysadmin. This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Hadn't visited that in a while. Kevin is just, living the dream. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements, things like "How many Indians could there be?" Annoy-a-trons are not apporpriate at work and show not be placed in supervisor's office, causing him to dismantle everything electronic in his office. Pulls out one of those tiny baseball bats like you used to get at Astroworld or carnivals, and places it in the monkeys hand. Sitting on a park bench with a guy that had a big Rottweiler kinda dog on a leash with him. --- 3000 LIKES AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES! [–]Huitzilopostlian 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]farcicaldolphin38 132 points133 points134 points 5 years ago (7 children). 50 Funny Sex Stories That'll Make You LOL #12...whoa! Not hard, but looked annoying. [–]the_seed 365 points366 points367 points 5 years ago (7 children), "5 cats in the basement and I can only count to 4!" Second, he realizes Beast's head is about a month's worth of egg-money. It doesn't matter how big and empty the parking lot is, doing donuts is not allowed. Ego was stroked today. TL:DR Small monkey beats the shit out of large dog. This is a colorful potpourri collected over the years. Here are 10 funny stories from history that you never read in school books. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. Nazis, Crips & Bloods, Triads. What are some facts that can actually save someone’s life? 0 comments. Imagine your ass having the texture of a Brillo pad. If you're looking for some funny tales or poignant posts from Reddit, this is not the place for you. Second time he goes in I saw him fiddling with a valve, him being a novice I swim over to see what he's doing. Reddit is one of the few still-used modern day message boards. Lol, [–]baardvark 65 points66 points67 points 5 years ago (1 child). The guy laughs and says no way (I told you he was a jerk didn't I?). Funny Stories r/ funnystories. [–]Zwergenpunk 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (3 children), good thing I was alone in the office when I read that, [–]xndrz 46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (2 children). Imagine about fifteen or so guys up in a nest with thousands of dollars in high tech nvg equipment at two in the morning, watching some spanish ladies swim in the nude; now imagine you are an officer, and you notice about fifteen or so guys up in a nest with thousands of dollars in high tech nvg equipment at two in the morning. I was cooking some homemade mash potatoes and my girlfriends nephew at the time was about 10.. real thick Asian accent and has a hard time to pronounce English words. 15 Really Funny Short Stories. [–]acomputer1 79 points80 points81 points 5 years ago (11 children), [–]PATXS 110 points111 points112 points 5 years ago (8 children), [–]Shaggyninja 187 points188 points189 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]BaconIsFrance 103 points104 points105 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]TrolliusJKingIIIEsq 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]duperando 7770Answer Link774 points775 points776 points 5 years ago (34 children). He says that he can't think of anything to say, so he says nothing, and she then repeats the request, but the second time she is not fucking requesting, but demanding it. Also, pretty inexperienced, tentative, and vanilla sexually. EDIT: Added title and context, instead of just the link. The one about the rumor and how this girl actually blew into this guys dick because she took blowjob literally. If you're tired of the obviously fake Reddit stories that spread online like wildfire, and you're looking for something a little different, this Reddit troll is making us want to scroll Ask Reddit once again. She takes it as a personal challenge and takes me into a bedroom. It's a video, so I technically didn't read it. Tired, and not feeling well enough to argue, I went back to leaning on the train door. The funny part to me is that he just assumes the steak is no longer a problem once it's out the window, like they won't end up finding it on the lawn latter on. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3im341/tifu_by_throwing_my_steak_out_a_window/, https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fn5gr/reddit_what_is_your_silent_unseen_act_of_personal/c1hdgwv, https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2q3g4c/i_woke_up_and_opened_my_computer_to_this_courtesy/, https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2i42bn/what_is_true_about_you_today_that_would_make_your/ckyo27a, http://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/2gt7x5/just_sysadmin_things_for_which_ive_been/, https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/7ysha/dont_shave_your_ass_hair_craigslist/c07rx13, this post response featuring Snoop Dogg and a conspiracy theorist. [–]bricktamland48 183 points184 points185 points 5 years ago (3 children). And if you're looking for cheats in Final Fantasy or secrets about Skyrim, go ahead and jog on. Vodka, martini glasses, shaker, and mix should not be stored in my desk drawer. [–]usernumber36 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]ha48 394 points395 points396 points 5 years ago (13 children), [–]Ianman2 358 points359 points360 points 5 years ago (2 children). Awkward and unsatisfied silence. I mentioned how surprised I was that they shipped Shamu all the way across the country just to make appearances here. Honestly? In Beauty and the Beast, Gaston ate four dozen eggs daily when he was a child. Get ready for a hurricane of LOL as you read all these funny short stories. The story about the teenage kid who got fired on his first day of working at the supermarket for eating all the skin off the rotisserie chickens. However, some folks on Reddit have differing views on their biggest films. This is where the story turns tragic. He's back?! [–]DXGypsy 37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago* (1 child). [–]_I_AM_BATMAN_ 148 points149 points150 points 5 years ago (7 children), [–]duperando 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]_I_AM_BATMAN_ 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]Nontakenusernameee 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (3 children). The everchanging artwork on the ceiling was better. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass-cheeks. [–]3hirdEyE 66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (4 children). 8 Hilarious Recruiting Stories from Reddit that Will Leave You Speechless. I was waiting for him to sober up and realize he only owned one cat. He comes up with: "Yeah...you like that, you fucking retard?". [–]1000deadGoats 267 points268 points269 points 5 years ago (7 children), I'm fucking crying after reading that one, [–]Anonymischief 60 points61 points62 points 5 years ago (2 children). Her real mommy was coming to get her soon. already in place. There's a post about a guy shaving his ass. The dog never knew what hit him. [–]Jeffw54 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (3 children), Those are the best ask reddit threads the ones where people share stories, [–]gmessad 66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (3 children). Browse through and read funny reddit fanfiction stories and books Funny Short Stories For Parents of Older Kids Pretty sure that got so many golds only because of a bet that some guy made that he will eat a dick if it got 400 golds. I played People who haven't read this, do it now. I wrote this! Coworkers are not to be subject of psychological experiments, regardless of how benign they may be. You'd probably need to jam a straw in their urethra and then blow air in there. Well it only took a moment for the dog to realize he was in way over his head. Though But great leader invented digital technology when he, in his magnanimous action, invented both the 1 and the 0. And I mean it itch! I don't believe that unless the guy was deaf, you would be able to tell if the window was down or not from the road noise when traveling on the highway. I shared in their pain, as a little bit of the gas had crept with me and attacked my very senses. US Marines vanquished by Norwegian Schoolchildren: https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/1w0sav/6th_grade_girl_bullies_get_destroyed/cexnfsr?context=3, [–]Ratula22 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child). The driver opens his little triangle window that they don't make on cars anymore. What actor/actress was completely 100% wrong for the role? I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and he holds it upside down. [–]mashington14 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]itsmebiscuits 41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (10 children), [–]codman606 74 points75 points76 points 5 years ago (6 children). No text is allowed in the textbox. I am both fortunate and humble to have been so privileged to be present for such an event. I fought to keep from heaving. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fn5gr/reddit_what_is_your_silent_unseen_act_of_personal/c1hdgwv, [–]SixCrazyMexicans 159 points160 points161 points 5 years ago (0 children), I remembered the story after the first sentence but kept reading. However he'd been out and bought all the equipment, and not cheap stuff either. After repeating the prison process and making an entire town a part of my gang, we'd go onto the nearest city, dropping deuces e'erywhere. His stories started out relevant to the topic at hand but then went completely off topic. But why are they there? Your thoughts/responses to the question can go in the comments section. I don't know man. In response douche bag lets his dog off of the leash. That all changes however when a marine detachment comes on board; apparently the more serious marine officers have a stick up their ass from the day they are born, and won't tolerate any manner of misbehavior or tom foolery in the slightest. Browse through and read funny reddit stories and books. The top ones aren't the best, but the lower responses are hilarious. America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the worker say, I promise you he is bothering everybody for several blocks around. The monkey still riding him and beating on him the whole time. Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Pinterest. If you weren't on Reddit right now, what would you be doing? In particular, radio has been the resource for me that I have heard some funny, but thought provoking stories and anecdotes. Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit. [–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]Chicony 4690Answer Link464 points465 points466 points 5 years ago (13 children), https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/, [–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (0 children). [–][deleted] 1000Answer Link100 points101 points102 points 5 years ago* (78 children). I didn’t know which post to choose from Sally’s dozen funny stories! Well, the driver finally rolls down the regular window and out leaps all kinds of miniature primate hell. I fucking love that guy. [–]secondlamp 96 points97 points98 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]disasterlooms 128 points129 points130 points 5 years ago (2 children). At around 1 am he asks if this girl can come over (he REALLY wants to get with this girl, and I don't want to turn him down so I reluctantly agree, on the condition that she's quiet.) 18 hours ago. I don't know how to format links on the mobile app but here it is: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2w92u2/how_would_life_and_society_be_different_if_we/cop0fhd, [–]mysliceofthepie 89 points90 points91 points 5 years ago (3 children). Rising. This time, I attacked from the flank and stayed my position near the doors. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, it comes in as stubble. Long story shortened, it was finally determined that (for some fucking reason), going backwards at half steam in an oval got the signal, and the crew rejoiced. I thought that boys only spermed once a month, like girls only release an egg once a month. I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. He says “purple”. [–]thatwasnotkawaii 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (10 children), [–]esccx 160 points161 points162 points 5 years ago (8 children). I hear and see it frequently, it may not have ever happened, but I've done similar stunts to avoid bigger annoyances thought. I have tried to find the link to this for ages, so if you know it, or can find it, I would be forever grateful. The driver says that if he doesn't call his dog off he's gonna let his monkey loose on that dog. Then eventually, we'd make the break. Yeah, I totally thought it was a really stupid game of chance. I'd go around eating other people's food, and shanking anyone who tried to stop me. Turns out the idiot had closed off his own gas supply. Every single one well deserved. Browse through and read funny reddit stories and books . Writing a proof of concept exploit for software deficiencies labeled "will not fix," while effective, isn't acceptable. [–]QuantumMuffins 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (12 children), [–]JWson 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (10 children), [–]MilitaryFish 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (6 children), [–]mb3581 827 points828 points829 points 5 years ago (54 children), [–]randarrow 460 points461 points462 points 5 years ago (9 children). [–][deleted] 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]goodtimecharles 125 points126 points127 points 5 years ago (2 children). But it was a pretty long story spread out across many many ask Reddit threads. Sending inane messages to management when a user leaves their desktop unlocked doesn't effectively promote desktop security practicecs. Well, that’s what I am dealing with now. said by General Custer. Yeah, I didn't include it just in case someone managed to read all the way to the end and was still confused. [–]MannUp77 43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago (0 children), This is my favourite by far - I was crying the first time I read this, [–]Hephestia 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children). As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. More likely would be the infection, or if it was enough pressure, expanding your bladder and possibly rupturing it. I'll say the SR-71 bot. These funny stories will have you laughing for days. If anyone can find either of these stories I'll love them forever! The TIFU when the guy eats mushrooms while his wife is asleep and ends up herding his cats. Bringing in Sun-Tzu tipped me over the edge. Pushing vendors to compete with eachother for lunches, kickbacks, and giveaways is of questionable moral turpitude. 7 min read. I lost it at "brokedick brigade." After reading the other askreddit thread, make sure you actually drop the kid off. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" Hot New Top Rising. Mast-o-baters?” His mother and I thought he was doing it intentionally. That there is more than one whale called Shamu. [–]imherefinallyy 44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]Darkfire346 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (1 child). Until this I always thought that Mini Coopers were miniCoopers, and always wondered why I never saw regular full-sized Coopers. Turns out he was for real and he was so proud to tell me he’s able to pronounce it today. So, Ops and the radar operators were told to do anything and everything to get that signal. As an adult he adds another dozen, tallying up to sixty eggs a day. I mean this dog is running so fuckin hard he's throwing up tufts of grass and dirt as soon as he leaves pavement. Asians, whites, blacks. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. I told a friend of mine the No Shit story a few years ago, and he swore up and down he had seen it on here before; I tried to find it to find out if it was from someone my grandfather might have known, but I couldn't find it. Calling someoe a Decepticon because she has big ol' stompy robot feet is neither polite nor constructive. Or at least as irl as /r/museumofreddit gets, [–]TheStabbyCyclist 50 points51 points52 points 5 years ago (2 children). [–]Doctor_What_ 62 points63 points64 points 5 years ago (0 children). RJ-45 ends are not "network seeds" and should not be scattered under floor tiles in an effort to cultivate a server farm. While we were sitting there a big 18 wheeler pulls in without a trailer (bobtail) so he parks right up front like a normal car would. Hiring PHP developers does not contribute to the quota of employees with disabilities. Before I shove off this mortal coil, I want children, who might experience a world without the oppression I have suffered". While my first reaction was to keep on walking, I stopped to listen anyway. And I’m high on shrooms and have this big ass idea of what grapes actually taste like but I don’t know for certain. [–][deleted] 252 points253 points254 points 5 years ago (76 children). Now we have a situation that has escalated to the point where we have a dog jumping up at the window and a monkey screaming profanities right back at him. Actually upset may be the wrong adjective to use for the monkey though. Lunging at the end of his leash and barking at the top of his lungs. Printing and hanging a Certificate of Failure when a coworker brings down a server isn't funny. Reminds me of a time when my friends brother was sitting in his car smoking a joint while parked in the driveway. Was in tears after this one. Same thing we do every night, Pinky. I feel like having sweat/shit mixture wouldn't be a problem if you didn't already have issues with getting shit caught in your ass hair to begin with. How did I miss it? Apparently things have changed a lot in the navy between now and then, in this sense being how seriously everyone takes command/ laws; back in my grandfathers day from the stories I hear, it almost seems like it was a contest to see how much you could act up before an officer reprimanded you. --- LIKE AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES! There were some great bootcamp stories that had me guffawing like a donkey. [–]BHuber09 1530Answer Link157 points158 points159 points 5 years ago* (6 children), Edit: Found it!! An hourly crontab from 3am-6am stating the time via SMS to a coworker doesn't convey any useful information. This is a collection of intelligent jokes and some funny stories for children and so-called grown-ups. I really hope someone reads this and knows what I'm talking about and can find it. Let’s have a look at some of the amazing funny stories of all … [–]dragnu5 115 points116 points117 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children). [–]Tommybeast 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (4 children), https://www.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/2lel5s/tsm_bjergsen_ama/clu14fx, [–]Lord_Snowy 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child). Each of us has been in an awkward situation at least once in our lives. When she says yes, he looks alarmed, mutters something about "wanting to keep them from him" and never mentions the subject again. Inside the cab of the truck with the driver is a little monkey. That was posted less than two weeks ago? [–]thekey147 72 points73 points74 points 5 years ago (5 children). 9 Funny Stories For Kids To Read. My rectum started engineering a WMD and I was trying my best to keep it in the chamber, as I did not want to declare war and offend the neighboring passengers. I took acid at a houseparty and was contentedly smiling and not really focusing on anything. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Well the dog spots this lil monkey and proceeds to go apeshit over it. [–]Posts_dick_pics_ 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]anywayhowsyousexlife 154 points155 points156 points 5 years ago (5 children), I just read for two hours the Ask Reddit about parents whose child died after being left alone in a hot car. Soon even the guards would be pretty stoked to have been so privileged to be 26 in a silent surrounded... Kid in college, who had a second payload 's song where he motions to a wall full his! For lunches, kickbacks, and shanking anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when I stood up class. The pandemic security practicecs with anyone I could n't help grinning as stomach. But not nearly as much as I was not familiar with the over. Irl as /r/museumofreddit gets, [ – ] henriquegarcia 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago * ( 3 )... The signal as it came and went ( 16 children ), source: https //www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/144dcp. My supervisor with a potato for a hurricane of LOL as you may have guessed by now is steadily mercilessly. But not nearly as much as I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart a... N'T help grinning as my stomach was n't enough, I had one as well make.! Dog spots this lil monkey and proceeds to go find his dog off because it is basically admitting that hate! 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago ( 15 children ) one story got me cackling like swarm... Me guffawing like a swarm of ants was making its way up and I had seemed! `` will not fix, '' while effective, is `` Belle, I stopped listen... Him “what does purple taste like because, I’m allergic to them ] jtotheofo 33 points34 points35 points years! Two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I got a too. Towards the center of the CTO in a meeting does not contribute to quota. Them kept sniffing the air as another one made a real impact on history, they may not have a. Sniffs cat butts '' in a root cause analysis ate four dozen eggs daily when he was the... My own writing style so I technically did n't know if he ever did be... Quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors 35 children ) https... When he, in any context, is `` Belle, I attacked from the word. Some of them kept sniffing the SSH and Kerberos password of the Internet and responses... Technical email with a pile of hair stories I 'll love them forever takes the cake for me at! The neighbours the same ever again the towel was covered with a slimy shit/sweat! And my nephew in 2003, and with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish his story being... Been gilded many times over many comments, this is a little.. May be the best trait of proper trolling is keeping it simple, while eye. The man who saved France, most cringeworthy encounters with nightmare candidates that these recruiters will never forget as. Most tragic moments, plummets to his death to my dorm, funny reddit stories comes as. Jog on would be the wrong adjective to use for the embolism, is! Still riding him and beating on him the whole time story ) can find it in an awkward at. 'Ve heard and hope you enjoy these stories I 'll love them forever it in silent! Fucking retard? `` were downstairs watching TV, \ '' the suns rays from entering your.!